Best Funny Facebook Status Updates

If you’re looking for really funny Facebook status updates that will get likes and comments, you’re in the right place. 

In this article we will share not only examples of funny Facebook status updates, but also tips on how you can write your own.

And it’s not as easy as it seems. 

I mean, if you’re super witty and funny, and basically a natural-born comedian — then sure — you probably don’t even need our advice.

But the rest of us mortals that don’t have an inherent comedic gene could probably use some help. Even if you are a little funny, with everyone posting so much on Facebook, it’s hard to come up with something truly original that stands out from the rest of daily funny status updates for Facebook. 

So here are some funny Facebook status update ideas that you can borrow for your own account, from funny one liners to funny jokes to funny Facebook status updates about life.

Funny Jokes for Facebook Status Updates
Funny Facebook Relationship Status Updates
Funny Weekend Status Updates for Facebook
Funny Facebook Monday Status Updates
Funny Good Morning Status Updates for Facebook
Funny April Fools’ Facebook Status Updates
Funny Christmas Status Updates for Facebook
Funny Happy New Year Facebook Status Updates

Funny Jokes for Facebook Status Updates

  • My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing, in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
  • It recently became apparent to me that the letters “T” and “G” are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I’ll never be ending an email with the phrase “Regards” ever again.
  • I switched all the labels on the Spice rack….. I’m not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
  • How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
  • Hello, everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
  • I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I’m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”
  • Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day…
  • I am forever disappointed that Chef Bobby Flay didn’t name his daughter Sue.
  • Pro tip: Fill the piñata with ketchup and you never have to host a children’s birthday party again. You’re welcome.
  • Why should I trust the toothpaste recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists when they’re the ones who make money fixing people’s teeth?
  • My gardening skills have improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since…
  • This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics.
  • 2020 is what happens when you mix your Tarot deck with Cards Against Humanity.
  • When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy”, that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.”
  • ‪I’m gonna ask my mom if that offer to slap me into the next year is still on the table. ‬
  • If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
  • A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
  • I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ I click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
  • I hate brushing teeth at night because that signifies that you can’t have any more food and I’m just never ready for that kind of commitment.
  • I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
  • Love how I can remember the lyrics to just about any song written in the 70s but can’t remember where I laid my car keys down last night?
  • After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
  • I had a lazy eye as a child and now the rest of my body has caught up.
  • Don’t adopt a puppy to see if you’re ready for kids. Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea and a bunch of stories that don’t go anywhere.
  • Remember: Every single frozen corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy, my friends.
  • I prefer my kale with a silent “K”
  • Don’t accept any friend requests from Taco Bell… they’re nacho friends.
  • The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else’s house.
  • If you eat cake fast enough your Fitbit thinks you’re walking.
  • I started homeschooling today. So far two students are suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job…
  • If TuPac and Biggie were still alive, Kanye would be folding T-Shirts at the Gap right about now.
  • Is it too much to hope that my good cholesterol will be a positive influence on my bad cholesterol?
  • Friend: Just make sure you compliment her on something you’ve observed [On a date] Me: You’re really good at eating!
  • Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
  • If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.
  • I grew up being told not to write on the walls. Felt like such a badass when I first joined Facebook.
  • Dear Facebook: Please stop asking me what’s on my mind. I’m gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you.

Since these are a little generic and you might be looking for something more specific, we’ve also gathered a collection of funny Facebook status updates in a few categories that might be of more interest to you:

Funny Facebook Relationship Status Updates

If you’re looking for funny relationship Facebook status updates or funny Valentine’s day Facebook status updates, we’ve got a few golden ones for you:

  • Relationship Status: COMING SOON
  • If your relationship status says “It’s complicated,” maybe you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.
  • Subway: Satisfy your Valentine with a footlong.
  • Valentine’s Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
  • Relationship Status: I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was “a tent of lovers”. I wasn’t really sure, but was too worried to ask.
  • I asked my wife if it was still necessary to get her a card for Valentine’s day even after 5 years of marriage. She said yes and the only card she wanted was VISA.
  • I’ve been single for so long, Facebook took the “in a relationship” option away from me.
  • Facebook should make it to where it says ‘Went from being in a relationship” to “Problem solved”.
  • Tips for Guys on Valentine’s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She’ll automatically list things she wants.
  • I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans: “Free nights and weekends”.
  • I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine’s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
  • Guys, for Valentine’s Day leave 3 notes scattered around your house for your girlfriend that say “Will”, “you”, and “me.” That’ll keep her busy while you watch sports.

Funny Weekend Status Updates for Facebook

Name one person who doesn’t like the weekend!

And I don’t mean the musician.

I’m waiting…

What is that? Noone?

Of course! And that’s why funny Friday status updates for Facebook exist. Here are a few Friday night funny Facebook status updates:

  • Nothing ruins your Friday faster than realizing it’s only Wednesday.
  • Friday is my second favorite “F” word! 
  • Well, it’s easy to tell I’m married. It’s Friday night and I’m at home updating my Facebook status.
  • Thursday doesn’t even count as a day, it’s just the thing that’s blocking Friday.
  • We’re all just kids posing as professionals, counting the days until Friday.
  • If you’re playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night & you put your ear up to your monitor, it sounds exactly like having no friends.
  • Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday?
  • In addition to Casual Friday, I propose the following: Punch A Coworker Monday, No Pants Tuesday, Drunk At Work Wednesday, and Call In Sick Thursday.
  • Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my coworkers with a keyboard.
  • Friday, I’ve tried to see other days and none compare to you, I love you.

Funny Facebook Monday Status Updates

And because loving weekends goes hand in hand with hating Mondays, we’ve got you covered with some funny facebook Monday status updates:

  • Dear Radio Stations, please do not play Katy Perry’s “Friday Night” Monday morning at 8 AM during my drive to work.
  • Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear… “Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep.”
  • Saying “Have a happy Monday!” is like saying “Have a happy period!”. It’s just not gonna happen.
  • I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday.
  • OK, Monday, you go quietly about your business and I’ll go quietly about mine, let’s agree to disagree and it will be over soon.
  • Would like to observe a moment of silence for all the innocent brain cells that lost their lives over the weekend.
  • Things I don’t like: 1) Probably you. 2) Cold coffee. 3) Small talk. 4) Mondays. 5) Having small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
  • Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, It’s not me, It’s you.
  • I can see smoke on the horizon. God I hope it’s the rest of Monday burning to the ground!
  • Dear Monday, We just aren’t good together! You show up at the worst times and overstay your welcome. Your negativity is dragging me down so I must move along now!

Funny Good Morning Status Updates for Facebook

Nothing to start the morning well like some funny good morning status updates for Facebook:

  • It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning …. put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom….
  • I don’t understand the saying “you snooze, you lose”… I hit the snooze button eight times this morning and feel like a champion.
  • The me who wakes up in the morning has zero respect for the me who set the alarm the night before!
  • There are 2 kinds of people in this world: 1) Morning people 2) People who want to shoot morning people.
  • Always smile in the morning. It definitely makes people wonder what you did last night?!?!
  • Morning paradox – it takes forever to fall asleep at night and only a second to fall asleep in the morning.
  • This morning I put Red Bull into my coffee maker instead of water and now I can see noises.
  • There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.
  • WTF are birds so amped up about at 5:30 in the morning?
  • The only reason I get up in the morning is so I can drink at night.

And some funny Facebook status updates for holidays:

Funny April Fools’ Facebook Status Updates 

Here are some funny Facebook status updates for April Fools’ Day:

  • For April Fools’ Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post updates on who they stalk.
  • Gullible people should just avoid Facebook for the next 24 hours.
  • April Fools’ Day is like a huge open mic night in which millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.
  • April Fools’ Day is just a day when we all can lie with no consequences!
  • Take a full screenshot of their computer’s desktop, then open the image and leave it…
  • Today is the perfect day to propose to a girl. If she accepts that’s great, but if she denies just yell “APRIL FOOLS!”
  • Change your Facebook name to “No One” and send out a bunch of friend requests to random people. When they receive the request it will read “No One wants to be your friend.”
  • Just taped magnets to the bottom of my empty coffee cup and attached it to the top of my car. Can’t wait to see how many people will try and flag me down..

Funny Christmas Status Updates for Facebook

And because we all need some good holiday cheer, here are some funny Christmas Facebook status updates to brighten your Christmas eve or Xmas day:

  • The biggest benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don’t have to do laundry for another week or two.
  • Dear Santa, I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty this year … and it was SO worth it.
  • I’m like the fruit cake of my family. Nobody likes me but I show up every Christmas anyway.
  • An easy way to tell people you don’t like them is to send them a Christmas card with glitter on it.
  • Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Every time your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
  • I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if it runs out I’ll drink the red.
  • Santa saw your Instagram pictures. You’re getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.
  • Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?
  • It’s December! I guess it’s time to pretend I’m putting up the Christmas lights… that I never took down from last year.
  • And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
  • I was Christmas shopping for a friend’s daughter… I asked what she was into and he said “anything Frozen”. So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

Funny Happy New Year Facebook Status Updates

And we had to end our list with some funny New Year Facebook status updates:

  • My New Year’s resolution for 2021 is to be more assertive if that’s okay with you guys?
  • May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Happy New Year!
  • The liquor store clerk just wished me a Happy New Year. As if he wasn’t going to see me 5 more times before then.
  • I’m gonna order a pizza five minutes before the new year and when they arrive I will say I ordered this a year ago, lol.
  • May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
  • My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
  • For Sale.. 2021 gym membership, willing to trade for a case of beer and a large pizza…msg me for details…
  • Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year’s resolution is, She said “F*** you” so I’m pretty excited for 2021.
  • I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.
  • Dear God, my prayer for 2021 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don’t mix these up like you did this year.

But these are all good if you want to copy other people’s thoughts — and hey, if it puts a smile on your friends’ faces, is that so wrong? It’s just like sharing memes, right?

Right. We think so too.

But if you want to write your own original and new funny Facebook status updates, you can either find inspiration in these ones, or follow some of the tips below.

Tips on How to Write Very Funny Facebook Status Updates

1. Take inspiration from television shows and movies

Television shows and movies are popular for a reason — they are entertaining! 

So if you’re looking for some hilariously funny Facebook status updates ideas and happen to come across a funny quote from a popular show or movie, such as The Simpsons, Family Guy, The Big Bang Theory — or any other show you find funny or has a funny one liner — don’t hesitate to use it! 

People love to comment on things that they are familiar with, and you might just hit them with their favorite line from a show or movie.

2. Keep it current

Timing is everything when it comes to humour. 

Are there any popular or in-jokes being told at the moment?

Are there any trends you could hop onto?

Any current events — even political — you could help lighten up?

Try to incorporate this type of humour into your status and people will just gulp it up!

3. Know your audience

Think about what the people on your list of Facebook friends find funny. 

Now this can be quite the endeavour and — frankly — quite impossible to know and remember what everyone finds funny or not.

You will most likely offend someone at some point, but at least try to not offend the ones you really care about?

If you know your friends are prudes, stay away from crass jokes. Keep it witty and funny, but clean and light. 

Be careful with sarcasm and steer clear of humour that you can anticipate will not be well received.

4. Be original

Don’t make a status that you have seen replicated by numerous people. 

Sometimes the funniest updates are funny because they are a bit shocking, or have the element of surprise. They are out of the ordinary, and so people will be compelled to comment.

5. Tell a story

Have you had anything funny happen to you recently? Stories are perfect material for Facebook statuses. Be sure to keep it brief – but incorporate experiences from your life onto Facebook. People love to read and comment on funny or even embarrassing things happening to others, usually because they can relate!

6. Be concise

If a status is too long, or takes forever to get to the point, the reader may lose interest and not find it entertaining. 

Avoid being too long-winded. Funny Facebook statuses should be a burst of brilliance, rather than a too long, needs-to-get-to-the-point, rambling piece of writing.

Funny one liners for Facebook status updates are the way to go! 

7. Don’t limit yourself to text-only

When Facebook asks you what’s on your mind, the normal response is to answer with text. 

But don’t limit yourself to just text. Posts funny images or videos, or even memes. If you need inspiration, check out our extensive list of funny social media memes or funny social media quotes.

But don’t forget to caption the photo or video either with some text — especially the video — so that your friends know what they’re getting into and be motivated to click!

8. Start a conversation

Ask a question or pose a challenge. Make your friends want to interact with your clever status.

9. Search online for ideas

Take a look online for suggested funny status material and search for the best funny quotes for Facebook status updates.

Find inspiration in true and trusted suggestions and put your own spin on them.

10. Don’t try too hard

It is perfectly fine to try to think of ways to write a funny and entertaining Facebook status, but don’t try to force it! Otherwise it may come out as not funny at all. Be true to yourself, and what you find entertaining, and the status will come to you.

Hope these tips have given you some ideas on how to brighten your friends’ days with your undeniably clever and funny Facebook status updates. Happy Facebook-ing!

See also: Does Facebook still have the 20 text rule?

Camelia is a content writer, proofreader, and translator. She has been writing website content and blog posts for over 10 years and she is a perfectionist. She is very passionate about living a sustainable life and dreams about changing the world one small step at a time.

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